Some Questions About Heaven...

I have a lot of questions about heaven, what it's like there, and who is allowed in. If you're a Christian who believes in heaven, you probably don't know all the answers, but I hope you'll give a lot of serious thought to these questions.

Where is it? Is it literally in the clouds above, or some other mystical, magical space? If it is physical, how could we find it? If it is metaphysical, what special forces separate it from what I like to call "reality?"

Is there weather in heaven? What if some people really like snow, wind, and rain, and others like perpetual sunshine? Is there thunder and lightning there? If there is, what if some people, like children, are afraid of it? How could anybody experience fear in paradise? And if God can magically make people not afraid of it, then why didn't he do that for us on earth?

Who goes there and what are the criteria? Do you have to be a Christian? Is any version or schism of Christianity acceptable? Do Mormons go there? Methodists? Catholics? Lutherans, etc? What about Jews? Do you just have to believe in Jesus to get in? What if you never read the bible or went to church? What if you did go to church every Sunday but you lived your earthly life as a thief or a child molester? Murderer? Serial Killer? Are Jeffrey Dahmer, Eric Rudolph, and Scott Roeder, known Christians and murders, in heaven? Can an atheist get to heaven if they lived a completely moral life without religion? What if the atheist adopted orphans and donated millions of dollars to charity? What about a Muslim? If an Al Qaeda terrorist confesses his heart to Jesus two minutes before death, does he go to heaven? What if a Christian kills a child in a DUI accident--can she still go to heaven? And will the child and the parents of the child see her there eventually? Will they get along, or fight? Will there be any hard feelings? Will the child remember the woman who killed him?

What if a child is born in India and indoctrinated into Hinduism her whole life, and dies at the age of 13 having never heard of Jesus? Is she in heaven? Is there such a thing as hell, and purgatory? Who goes where and how would we know for sure?

What if, after I've died, I've spent 468 billion years outside of heaven (maybe hell) and then I've finally decided that I've learned my lesson and wish to apologize and repent? Could I get to heaven then? And if not, what purpose did hell serve if I couldn't learn from it and if my punishment could not have warned any other being not to do what I've done?

Are babies in heaven? What about miscarried zygotes and fetuses? What about aborted zygotes and fetuses? Do they recognize their parents in heaven and do their parents recognize them? Do they remain zygotes and fetuses in heaven, or are they grown up? If they are grown up do they  have any memories or emotions about their "past?" Who takes care of babies, zygotes, and fetuses in heaven, especially if their parents are still alive on earth? Is there childcare in heaven? What do they do all day in heaven? How would they even know they are in paradise? How could they enjoy it? What if an atheist woman miscarries--does her 6-month old fetus go to heaven while the mother eventually goes to hell? Is that fair to fetus? To the mother? Are conjoined twins still attached in heaven? What if one was a good Christian and the other wasn't?

Can you eat meat in heaven? Is it artificial heaven-meat, or do real animals still have to be slaughtered in order for us to enjoy their taste? Do the animals feel pain when they die? If they don't, then why didn't God make it so cows and pigs don't feel pain when we slaughter them for food on earth? Do they deserve that?

If family members are separated after death is that fair? Could you be happy in heaven if your spouse, parent, grandparent, child, grandchild, best friend, or neighbor were in hell? What if you weren't allowed to ever see them because they are burning in hell? How would that make you feel? What if you died believing your parent, spouse, or child would be in heaven with you, but then you found out they were secretly an atheist and never had the heart to tell you, and now they are in hell? What would you do and how happy could you really be in heaven? Would your memory of them be erased? If so, is that fair?

Are there liberals in heaven? Conservatives? Do they get along? Can gay people go to heaven? What about transgender people? Are the gays and transgenders made fun of or judged by far right-wing conservative Christians in heaven, or are they able to peacefully be themselves without persecution?

Can animals go to heaven? Are there pets there? What if somebody who is totally in love with dogs goes to heaven--could she actually be happy without her dogs there? And are they the dogs she had while she was alive, or are they magically different heaven-dogs? Do earthly dogs have souls? What about other animals, like spiders? If there are dogs in heaven, what would a Cynophobic (somebody who has a fear of dogs) do if he saw one? Does his phobia magically go away in heaven? If so, then isn't it weird that that person isn't truly themselves any longer? If there are no animals in heaven, then could fishermen and hunters actually enjoy the rest of eternity without their favorite hobbies? If you can hunt in heaven, why? Why would a god allow weapons, bloodshed, and pain in paradise?

If a woman were burned alive on earth, does she take her normal pre-burning form in heaven? If she was handicapped, can she walk again? What if she never walked her whole life--can she walk in heaven? Can mentally challenged people suddenly function "normally" in heaven? If a very fat person dies, are they skinny again? What if they were never skinny? What age are we in heaven? Do you age there? If a kid dies and goes to heaven, can she grow up into an adult? Would she stop aging or does she just keep looking older and older and weaker and weaker? Is everybody attractive in heaven? What if somebody lived their whole life obsessed with their own vanity and/or had a complex with how ugly they were? What if they actually were very ugly? Are they magically attractive in heaven, or do those self-doubts magically go away? Or do they continue to be miserable every time they think about their own ugliness? If their feelings go away, then they aren't the same person anymore--doesn't that bother you? Do amputees have their limbs grow back in heaven? What if an American marine hero loses his arms during war--do his arms grow back in heaven? If so, why doesn't God ever grow his limbs back while he's alive on earth? Why does he have to suffer on earth, but gets magically healed in heaven? Does God make us all robots so we can't think about any of this or be bothered with it?

Do we have free will in heaven? Could I tease people there? Could I punch somebody? Could I lie to them? Steal from them? Could I step on their toe accidentally? Could I cut in front of them in line or tell them an offensive joke that somebody else thinks is funny? If there is free will, then I should be able to do anything, but that could lead to conflict or even mental or physical harm. Could I be punished in heaven if I hurt somebody? Could I be kicked out? If there is no free will, then how could anybody be happy there? If, somehow, there is free will and God is able to make it so that things like rape, child abuse, and severe pain are impossible, then why didn't he just make earth that same way? Why couldn't we have free will on earth, but have it be impossible to rape 7-year old kids, just like we have free will in heaven but it's impossible to rape 7-year old kids?

Is there rap music or heavy metal in heaven? If a man who loves rap music dies and goes to heaven, is he allowed to listen to it? Would it disturb other residents there who don't like rap? Could an artist paint offensive artwork? Is swearing allowed in heaven? Is alcohol allowed there? Cigarettes? Marijuana? Could I get a hangover if I drank too much? Is there gambling? Could gambling enthusiasts enjoy paradise without that hobby? Or do gamblers automatically go to hell?

Is there golf in heaven? When a golfer has a bad round of golf, do they get angry or feel bad? Is it possible to have a bad round of golf there--does everybody just get a hole-in-one on every hole? What fun would that be? Can you drive cars in heaven? Do the cars produce pollution? Are they magic cars that don't make the air dirty? What about other hobbies that make people happy and would be a necessity for people in order to enjoy paradise? Can one collect baseball cards and stamps? Where do they come from? Is there currency in heaven to buy that stuff? Do you have to work to get money? Could you be happy if you actually needed a job in heaven? Or does God just give everybody handouts to make sure they have everything they need to survive? If God does that, why doesn't he do it on earth?

Can people in heaven see what is happening on earth? If they can, then wouldn't they be sad or sickened when they see their family members act in cruel ways, or be victimized by other cruel people? If they are sad or sickened, then how could they enjoy paradise? And how could we enjoy paradise if we couldn't see what's happening on earth? Don't we all want to still watch our grandchildren grow up, graduate, get married and start their own families? Wouldn't we miss them if we couldn't see them still on earth? And isn't it creepy for people still alive on earth if their deceased family members and friends could see on earth? Could they see us having sex or taking a shower? Can people in heaven read minds of people on earth? Can people in heaven see what's happening in hell? If so, how could they enjoy paradise? How could they rest easy at night after watching humans screaming in terror while being burned alive? Can you get PTSD in heaven if you've watched too much of what happens in hell, or witnessed (while in heaven) the rape and murder of your teenage granddaughter while she was alive on earth?

For that matter, what if you have PTSD while on earth? Is that cured? Would you remember a decade of sexual abuse from your creepy uncle? Would you remember being beaten by your husband? Or does God just erase those painful memories and cure your PTSD? Would you remember being made fun of in school, or fumbling at the 1-yard line to lose the State Championship for your high school football team? Would you remember throwing up at the altar on your wedding day, or the time you got embarrassingly fired from your dream job? If God erases your memory, then wouldn't it be weird if you weren't really your true self? And if he doesn't, then could PTSD patients actually still be happy with those memories?

Do people with other mental illnesses still have them in heaven? Does Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder exist there? Or does God magically heal them? If he heals them in heaven, then why doesn't he heal them on earth? They were good, moral, Christians with a loving relationship with Jesus Christ--and many, many people prayed for their illnesses to go away--so why didn't God answer those prayers if he's capable? Why did those people suffer on earth?

Is it true, as many people claim, that the people who suffered the most on earth will "have a special place in heaven?" If so, what does that even mean? Does the special place in heaven come with free WiFi? How could there be a "special place in heaven?" You're already in paradise! So, did God create Super Heaven for those who suffered the most on earth? What are the qualifications to go to Super Heaven? If a woman is beaten and gang raped and held prisoner for 20 years, does she go to Super Heaven, or is that only for mentally ill people? Or people born with physical deformities? If a woman is beaten and gang raped and held prisoner for only three days does she qualify for Super Heaven? What if she was gang raped but not held prisoner? And is any of this worth it? Just to get into that "special place in heaven?" Is there a "special place in hell" for her attackers? Is there Super Hell? Is there hell that is worse than regular hell for people who did very terrible things on earth, or is everybody just in regular hell? Why or why not? And how could anybody prove any of this?

Can you have sex in heaven? And do you have to be married to have sex there? What if a Christian died without having ever been married? Do they have to suffer for eternity without any sex? Could they get married in heaven? And would it have to be to somebody they knew while they were alive, or could they meet somebody new? Do people have gay sex in heaven? Bisexual sex? If a child dies, do they never have sex in heaven, or do they eventually get to have sex? Do they have to wait until they "grow up" first or are they grown up already when they arrive? If a wife dies and goes to heaven, but her husband is still alive, does she have to wait for him to die before they can have sex again? What if she doesn't want to wait? What if she died young and her husband won't die for 75 more years? The husband could have sex with several dozen more women while he's alive, but the wife would have to wait? Is that fair? What if the wife is in heaven but the husband goes to hell? Can she have a new relationship and have sex with that man in heaven?

Can you get pregnant and have babies in heaven? If not, why? Does God make everybody sterile in heaven? If you can have babies, where do they come from? Were those babies ever alive on earth, or not? Do they "have souls?" What if a 17-year old virgin woman dies on earth and wants to have a baby in heaven? Could she? What about a married woman who was waiting until her 30s to have children but ended up dying at age 29? Could she get pregnant? What about a woman who had medical complications as a teenager and had her ovaries removed on earth--would she be able to get pregnant in heaven? What about a man who had a vasectomy or was born with some deformity that prevented him from being able to father children? What if he had testicular cancer and was not able to have kids on earth, but wanted to? Could he in heaven? Do the babies grow up in heaven or are they always babies? Can they go to school and sing in the choir and play on the football team like normal, earthly babies, or is heaven totally different? Wouldn't it be cool if you were just born in heaven, like those babies, rather than born on earth and have to suffer a lifetime of bee stings, stubbed toes, being made fun of, being spanked, being scared, seeing your parents get cancer and die, and having to through your spouse cheating on you? Maybe you believe earth is worth all that pain--in that case, then God is robbing those heaven-babies of the great experiences living on earth. Why would he do that?

Can you get freak nasty in heaven? Can you use sex toys and do oral sex? What about anal sex? Is sex in heaven only for procreation, or can people enjoy it like they do on earth?

If it's true that God has blessed Israel or that God has blessed America (plays favorites, has special "Holy Land," favors a certain race or national origin of people, etc), then how would Mexicans, Europeans, and Australians feel there? Do they feel left out or marginalized? Or is it all just a bunch of bullshit that God loves/favors/blesses America so much?

In heaven, is it possible to communicate to people who have died thousands of years ago before the invention of any modern language? Are we all segregated from them? Does the internet exist in heaven so that modern people can happily enjoy their favorite online hobbies such as fantasy football, video games, and social media? Do the people who died a very long time ago get to indulge in those things? Would they even understand what the internet is? And how long has the internet been there? Have they only had it there for as long as we've had it on earth (approximately the mid 1990s), or have they had it there longer? Are there amazing futuristic technologies we don't know about yet in heaven? Would we be able to understand and enjoy them?

Do you remember your death in heaven? Do you remember the pain, suffering, and fear from your long battle with cancer? Do you remember your murder? If somebody was choked to death, do they remember those last few seconds of life looking into the eyes of the killer, who smiled sadistically? Or would God erase those memories? If a farmer's head was decapitated by some machinery, would he have grown back and would he remember that pain and fear?

Are really stupid people smart in heaven? Are there racists in heaven? Can anybody be the victim of racism, sexism, or can they be marginalized in any way? Could we be made fun of for any reason? If not, doesn't that take away from other residents' free will? Why don't they have the free will to make fun of people?

What if somebody didn't agree with a rule in heaven? Isn't it likely that that would happen? We all don't agree on everything, so how is this resolved in heaven? What if my neighbor likes to have loud parties but the noise bothers me? What if loud parties are banned, then how could my neighbor enjoy himself? It wouldn't be paradise for him if he couldn't enjoy loud parties.  What if I was invited to his loud party and I absolutely love loud parties, but at this particular party, I didn't enjoy the specific music selection? Could it really be paradise if it's not totally perfect? But it can't be perfect for everybody, could it?

Is heaven actually a paradise? If so, then why do Christians wear seatbelts? Why do they take medicine and see doctors and exercise and pay for health insurance? Wouldn't it be better just to die as quickly as possible? If heaven is so great, what is the point of trying to stay alive? If heaven is not paradise, then why is it there?

How do you even know heaven exists? Nobody has ever been there and returned to talk about it. The ones who claim they have (such as in Near Death Experiences) all have conflicting stories and none can be tested for truth or accuracy. Why should we believe them? Why should anybody live this life, the only life that we absolutely know for certain we have, in such as a way as to prepare for some second life we hope we get but do not know for sure is coming?

I believe everybody should do his or her best to enjoy the life we have. Maybe life is better if we aren't so worried about what happens to us after we die. Maybe heaven isn't real. Maybe it's far too complicated to even be possible.

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