Interview with Jackie

Jackie commented on one of my Twitter photos to say that she hates when people use religion to discriminate or cause harm.  Assuming she was an atheist, I replied to her, "I do too."  But she told me that she believes in God, and that she's jealous of me because I'm an atheist.  Intrigued, I asked her why?  Jackie said that she had a near death experience (NDE) and saw God during this time.  There is no doubt that god exists, and she loves him, but she's angry with him.  Why is she angry with God, and why is she jealous of atheists?  Read on...

[Editor's Note: Jackie asked me to edit her responses for grammar, punctuation, and spelling because she's "not good at typing."  Her responses contain very heavy edits.  I did my best to interpret what she was trying to say.]

@GodsNotReal_ : Did you have a religious upbringing?  What were your religious beliefs growing up as a kid?

Jackie: My upbringing as far as religion was just being "made" to go to church every Sunday, my mother was not religious at all! But grandma was! Made me and my two brothers attend every Sunday
We all hated it.  But as I got older...it’s funny, didn't care for church...but I believed there was a god.

@GodsNotReal_ : Describe your Near Death Experience (NDE).  What happened and what did you see?

Jackie:  My mom was driving a Suzuki Samari and it was about 9am [on] Dec 30th.  I spent New Years Eve in Bethesda north hospital! I was the passenger, no seatbelt because I was trying to nap, I still tell her "dammit Ma! You tried to kill me!" and highway 50 where we were is very curvy, and her going 55mph, she went off the road, I looked up [and] thought “holy shit, I’m gonna die”, and we made impact into someone’s house.
My face went through [the] windshield.  My left knee into the dash.  I felt every bit of agony and pain...and didn’t lose consciousness.
I looked over [at my mom] slumped over [the] steering wheel, and I’m just absolutely alone. And I’ve never forgotten this....a man came up to the passenger side (the window was blown out) and gently took my right arm into his arms, and just kept me warm, and from going into shock while waiting on EMS.  My nose is cut off and hanging and this guy/stranger smiled at me, and said “it’s gonna be ok.”

I tell myself now, if I ever come onto an accident of any kind, I’ll do the same.
I felt so comforted.
Anyway, fire rescue and ambulance comes, I’m loaded into the back and that’s when "it" happens.

I’m lying there and the EMT is in my line of sight writing down my info on my right and in front of me, I just knew. There [were] 4 folks standing there looking kindly at me, and I was afraid, (but not of them) but because I knew they were there to take me... take me because I was going "home" and I’m [thinking] “No!! I’m not ready.  I don’t want to die yet.” No words were spoken.  I just knew.
And they left! It was fast...and the EMT was asking me questions, and I didn’t miss a beat answering him. And I knew, I was staying...and I wasn't afraid.

Then I get to the hospital… I was seen by an awesome doc, who patched up guys in Iraq. [He] "fixed" my nose right there in the ER room! He gave me all these numbing shots, and sewed it back on! I’m still amazed. You cannot tell it was cut off! I love medical miracles! My knee was a different story, kneecap smashed, ligament torn. I have 2 huge scars on my leg now, and I was kept at hospital for surgery. I had a cat scan too, and even though I went through the windshield...I did not have a concussion. And no head injury at all...the docs and nurses were both confused by that...
That night... I’m up in the hospital room, alone, wide awake when I realized I’m not "alone" and I look up and holy shit… The most beautiful male face is looking down at me smiling...and I heard with my ears not in my head (that seems important to me somehow) the absolute beautiful voice say "Jackie? Do you remember me?" and I’m speechless...but I nodded my head, and whispered "God.”

And I will try to explain all this as best as I can.
And in my heart, I felt so much… such a great love, I wanted to fly out of that bed, and wrap myself around him! And I’m looking at him with wonder...and I said "holy shit! You are real! You are really real!"
LOL! I still can’t believe it, but that’s all I could say! 
But what happened next is probably even better... as he is looking at me, I suddenly understood things I never knew before.
That all of us here not only have a soul/spirit, but everything alive does! Even the planet, the rain, thunder and lightning does too. And everything and everyone is meant to "die.”  This world, though very, very old, is just temporary. That our bodies die when the "spirit" leaves, not the other way around.
That we all use "fear" to cause harm to each other and to keep ourselves from getting close to one another and loving each other and when I say love, it’s caring (not judging), having empathy and realizing we are all the same, for we all make mistakes.  We are all learning and growing.  That this life is truly simple! We make it complicated! And I saw in an instant, how this entire world, would be healed, people happy, and things right, if we all loved/cared about each other and the creatures on this planet, and the damn planet itself! And in an instant I also saw that it would never happen, because folks just keep holding grudges, and this world has pain (physical and mental) and that holds us back. We are meant to overcome by learning to see our own mental obstacles (hate, anger, fear, jealously etc.) towards others, and learn to love others in an instant.  I "saw" (knew) all this, and I also saw how my own selfishness had kept me from not only giving to others but I saw  my selfishness in not giving and helping my own mom...oh boy. It was so much info, and I received it so fast. It’s hard to explain! I was 42 years old then, and I never knew these things before.
I’m 44 now.  I’ll be 45 in October.  And another "thing" I have since that experience, is, when someone is in front of me talking, I automatically know when they are lying! And usually stupid stuff folks do, like "add" to their story to make it more interesting.  I just know [they’re lying].
But there is my story.  I hope I explained everything properly. And besides my mom, you are the only person I’ve told the entire event too! And god bless you.  You don’t even believe in god! And as far as atheists go, from what I "learned" atheists are more advanced in their learning in this world, not letting religion or the bible or Quran influence their thinking and heart with "fear!”
I love it! The bible contradicts itself in every passage in the New Testament. The only thing I ever read in the bible that was similar to my experience was the passage (I hope I have this right) where you have 2 coats/ tunics, and you come upon someone with none, then you give him one of yours. And one other [is] the story of the "good Samaritan".

@GodsNotReal_ : Do you feel like the reason you can't open up about this experience is because people don't believe you?  Did you ever think that you might have been hallucinating?  The brain is known to produce extrasensory perceptions under extreme stress.

Jackie: Well it’s not because people don't believe me, it’s how they react. Yes, asking me if I hallucinated, or my favorite: hardcore Christians saying "demons" or the devil is deceiving me!
As for me maybe [I] hallucinated it.  I asked myself the same thing!  But, I was given info I had never had, nor thought of in an instant. How could I have hallucinated that? I’m a changed person since that night.  If I see trash on the ground, I pick it up, if anyone asks for help, gas money, money period--And I have, I give. I wish nothing in return for my giving. Not even good karma...
I just give. It’s automatic.
How did I change overnight? I never just gave to give...I needed a reason...or thought they were “scamming" me... It’s not like that now...I don’t know how to explain what has happened to me in my soul...

@GodsNotReal_ : What evidence is there that people have a soul?

Jackie: Oh my...of course I do not have evidence of a soul.

@GodsNotReal_ : If there is no evidence of a soul, why do you believe in it?  Don't you feel it is better to believe only that which the evidence supports?  You could still be 'agnostic' towards the existence of a soul.

Jackie: Yes, I know there is no evidence of a soul... but we both know that there are things out there we cannot explain...
Why wouldn't I believe in a soul? Why do “I" exist? And I love... learn and teach... I would feel a tad hopeless thinking not only that we do not "go on”. But, that this place is all there is.
Unfortunately, this world has folks that are learning and getting better. But power, money and greed and ignorance rules this world. Do you not look around and worry? Worry about those young ones that you love growing up here?

This world, our bodies. Everything is “temporary" yet our souls go on, and all living things have a spirit

@GodsNotReal_ : You told me that you are "impressed and humbled by atheists. They are kind and loving at heart on their own, instead of 'believing' god to do so." What did you mean by that?

Jackie: it’s exactly as I said. I am humbled by atheists... you do not "need" to look to god or any religion to be kind, giving, loving, caring…

I’m jealous....
Why? I know god is real... I’m tortured everyday by the things going on in this world... last night on 60 Minutes [there was] a story of the millions--yes millions--of refugees trying to get out of Syria, because the dictator Assad is literally starving his people, because they do not support him. I’m seeing people eating cats and dogs. Then leaves off the trees, while grocery stores are 2 minutes away blocked by Syrian troops, and thcryinge [sic] world food program, trying to feed thousands every day, and they don’t have enough donations to do so... I’m looking up at god, angry... crying, saying, "Why? Why are you not helping?!”
Why does a prick like Joel Osteen have 2 million dollar homes? And a million dollar mega church? Why does HE have soo [sic] much, and I, who wants to give and give, and never stop giving...only have $1100.00 a month working fulltime? Why did God come to me, change everything, change how I feel about every human being and show me his powerful fucking ass is real, and [I] never want to stop.  Never stop giving, loving, and I see so much need, and feel helpless.  And knowing some "ass" like Joel Osteen has all that money and just does so little?
I’m jealous! You will never have that struggle.  There are girls being raped by ISIS because they believe it’s ok to be with 9 year old girls because the "prophet" Mohammed was.
And I cry, scream at god, why are you not doing something?
People starving slowly...
Men in power destroying this world...
And I saw the Amazon...over half of the rainforest is gone, the earth is warmer. Too warm.
And people are oblivious to this...
I’m overwhelmed my friend...

Yes...oh god...humbled...you guys are truly the lucky ones in this world.

@GodsNotReal_ : When you had your NDE, how do you know that what you saw was God/Jesus and not another deity, like Allah/Mohammed, Vishnu, Poseidon, Zeus, or Quetzalcoatl?

Jackie: As for my NDE and knowing it was god, all I have is, I just knew....
All I can explain is...I knew it undeniably.

@GodsNotReal_ : You told me the on Twitter that the Bible is "mostly bullshit."  Can you give me some examples of some Biblical stories you believe, and some that you don't believe?  Also, what are the reasons that you believe or don't believe them?

Jackie: Well, due to science, we all know "Noah’s Ark" is not true.  But also, the bible constantly contradicts itself.  But after what happened to me, literally the only thing in the bible that was “right" were 2 things I have read.
The first was the parable of the Good Samaritan...where a guy is hurt on the side of the road (was attacked by robbers) 3 people see him, and 2 keep on going! And one is a priest...but the 3rd, a “Samaritan" stopped, helped the guy, and paid for him to be helped, and made sure he had a place to stay, clothes and more.
The 2nd is ...always love. Love each other, for love, covers a multitude of sins.
That’s it...

@GodsNotReal_ : Why do you think a god would help to author a book in regards to revealing himself to his people and write a whole of bunch of "mostly bullshit" stories in it?  It makes more sense, if God were real, that the book would be entirely true.

Jackie: God created tornadoes, tsunamis, earthquakes...men. Men who rape, war, destroy.
This is hard.
You have read the bible, and god kills, and tells men to do terrible things.
What I have to say is NOT popular, and not pretty, but after what I’ve been through, and "understood" during my NDE is this:
God created ugly. This world is ugly, sadly... most choose ugly, and the bible has the fears of men in it... I mean, if you use common sense, the “fears" rule the men, who wrote the books of the bible.
And the bible has been rewritten so many times, it has only become the prejudices of men. Period. Sadly, most “Christian" folk, love the king James version of the bible, which was literally rewritten for an ass who was king!
And if love is all that matters...”according to the new testament of the bible"
Then why are “men" judging? Why is being “gay" bad?  2 people are in love, what is the problem?
But see? God, who so many see as infallible, created this mess... 
Yes, I saw god. Yes you know it was god, and yes, god is beautiful, oh, so beautiful.. So amazing... He takes my breath away, but this world (only one of many he has created) was made to be imperfect, ugly, and violent.  And I hate it.
The bible, Quran, Torah are all meant to distract, and turn us away from the truth...the only truth... love is the only thing that matters... love for one another... love that doesn't see color, race, religion, fat, thin, rich, poor, ugly, pretty, sees nothing but another human being. And that includes who a person wishes to have sex with! I saw how love was the absolute power… how love could turn anyone around, by being kind, and giving.
My giving to someone in need not only helped them, but the person I helped, remembering I gave to them, when they came upon someone in need, then helped another... and I saw a domino effect of kindness that I had started, from giving to one person! Understand? Then I could see... the most absolute ugly ever... one person saw another in need, but thought, "well, they are probably going to buy drugs, or alcohol, or cigarettes”, or thought to themselves, "well, I have enough money for my bills, but I want something frivolous... that I just want, and yeah... they are "bad" and won't do anything good with any money I give them!”
And that silent judgement of another, and [not giving to the person causes] suffering... I could see another domino effect... a domino effect of fear... and the person not given to [in turn] not giving to another as well, because they had not received.
Ah hell...

@GodsNotReal_ : What would it take to convince you there is no god?

Jackie: Nothing.  Wow... that is some question!

Before my NDE (and I say that, because I didn't "die") what happened, just happened, and my reluctance in sharing my story is that folks who "see" god, or have information given to them by god, all had legally died, and came back!  What I saw, and learned in an instant is undeniable.

I’m sorry, but god showed me (for whatever reason) that he is real... And honestly, it sucks to me, because I see a god that creates, destroys, and hurts.  And [god] lets others hurt others.  It’s truly not easy on me.

I hate knowing god is real, and part of me loves knowing because what I saw of him was a beautiful father/creator.  [He’s] powerful and I was humbled before this great, huge, amazing being.

And I hate knowing he created this place! A world we come to that he made with lies, pain, rape, murder, predators, and prey.  I’m overwhelmed with sadness.

And I’m angry at god, and angry at people that never learn or get better or wiser.

I have to thank you.  I’ve been carrying this “burden" for 3 years... it’s wonderful to share it with you! Why? You are an atheist. If I shared this with a “Christian" I would be yelled at, for going against god! Or told, “omg... it’s the devil!” Christ! What a mess!  The folks who “believe" in god seem not to believe in others at all, sadly....

It’s as though they are putting a “god" before their own family and friends, before those in need.  As [it says] in my bio, God is real, but loving and caring for each other (and all the creatures on this planet) is more real.

I’m worried about "Christians" coming after you for being atheist.

They will just attack me because they don’t like hearing the truth.... That god causes all ugly.

I guess the best thing I learned from god is: loving, helping, holding each other up, in this harsh, ugly cruel world is what we are to do here, besides learning!

I believe most atheists understand that.

Follow me on Twitter: @GodsNotReal_